Well, they had us convinced that we were the problem. They had the Bible telling them that we should honor them despite the fact that they didn't even see us as human.

Even when I first started going to therapy as a requirement of foster care when I was a teenager, the focus was on me learning how to deal with the abuse itself as if it was my fault, not building enough self-esteem to get away from it.

Therapy didn't help me see that I was being abused. I did that on my own. But when I went back when I was older, it did help me see that I didn't deserve it.

Because I had also been convinced that I was the problem despite caring about other people, wanting to be part of a community, academic and extracurricular achievement, and the like.

And in fact, the more I achieved, the more it pissed them off. It was not only because they had inferiority issues, but because it would draw attention to our family, and possibly their dysfunction.

In fact, for my trouble, my family labeled me the narcissist. And you can see by some of the comments here that there are still plenty of people out there, even in spaces where they're clearly not welcome like the comments of this article, who will project the blame for abusive parenting onto the children. And projection is a hallmark of narcissism.

Are some kids narcissists? Absolutely. But where do you think they learned it?

No child with healthy parents wants to go no contact with them. Even abusers just see that as an invitation for abuse, so if the children were narcissists they would stay. 🤦🏼‍♀️