On the pressure of trans ‘passing’
Passing can be helpful, but it’s not everything. Just be authentic.
While it was a goal of mine when I started transition, I never thought in my wildest dreams that I’d be where I am now in terms of being perceived as cis. I just wanted medical care to help ensure that my outside matched my inside as much as possible.
I’ve learned over the years that ‘passing’ is quite the stealthy (and subversive) defense mechanism against discrimination and anti-trans violence, but comes with the tradeoff of often making us less welcome in trans spaces.
In short, I was forced to trade safety in numbers for my relative privacy because there’s a faction of people who look like me who believe that the way I transitioned is the only way. I’m not one of those people, but there’s still the perception that I am by virtue of my medical history and appearance.
This is, of course, in part, also why lawmakers want to criminalize trans health care, lest they be ‘trapped’ into finding themselves sexually attracted to a trans person, which is ironic considering that right wing types generally fetishize us the most.
I know some trans people look down on me for my choices, and while I’ll fight to defend them, as well as others’, I have both good personal and social reasons for assimilating to a point, and more than a few are a consequence of the oppression we ALL face.
So I’d like to share a quote for all of those trans people out there who are not as binary as I, and yet still feel pressure to assimilate:
I wear a veil to keep from view what many are pleased to call my disfigurement. I do not wear it as a courtesy to such people, but as a judgment on the quality of their hearts.
Madame Vastra, Doctor Who
We may all be under the trans umbrella, but that doesn’t mean that our individual and cohort identities can’t be simultaneously respected, and that includes yours. Just be honest with yourself and others.
Binary, non-binary, visible or not, be yourself, and if you ever have to hide the person you are, know who you’re really doing it for. Don’t be performative for anybody but you.
Stay strong and be safe out there. 🖤
